8 Life Lessons in a Year

After completing my first year of college, I find myself feeling uncharacteristically reflective on the many lessons that year has taught me. Excluding on-campus parking secrets and where to find frozen yogurt after three in the morning, here are the top 8 life lessons I learned my first year at BYU. 

 1. There is a certain, special kind of beauty in being alone. In a society over run with social media and incessant communication it is almost impossible to find moments uninhibited by interaction. I learned to treasure these pockets of time where I could just… be. No one demanded my attention, I was not needed, and I was not required of anything or anyone. I just existed and that was enough. It gave me time to step back from life and reflect on where I was and where I had come from and where I still had to go.

I also learned I didn't always need someone to do the things I wanted to do. I can’t even begin to relate how liberated I felt when I unchained myself from everyone else’s agenda and did what I wanted to do just because I wanted to do it. Very few could understand why I would want to go on a hike or jam at a concert or fly to Oregon by myself. But what they didn't realize is that I don’t have time to wait for everyone to start liking the things I like. The future is unpredictable, and I refuse to let the fear or lack of desire other people have to seize an opportunity stop me from pursuing what makes me happy. 

2. This was the hardest lesson for me to learn, and it wasn't until the end of second semester that it clicked for me. I had made the brave decision to live off-campus my first year at BYU. Rather than bunking with bubbly freshman girls, I was rooming with confident and successful twenty year olds who had direction, experience and a boyfriend. I have always been mature for my age, which gave me an edge, but I found it difficult to differentiate between our points in life. I struggled to accept the age gap that seemed to be draining my happiness and self-esteem. Once I acknowledged the fact they were on Chapter 20 while I was still fighting my way through Chapter 1, my perspective changed and I was better able enjoy and appreciate my own story.
 

 3. “If he wants your number, he will get your number” - a good friend once told me. It is a simple truth, but for me it held an extra weight because it had never before occurred to me that it was just that simple. Oftentimes, we girls make the mistake of assuming that men over analyze the world to the extent we do. We are all guilty of shoving a novel’s worth of words in another’s mouth because ‘he liked that picture on Facebook' or something equally as ridiculous. Reality check: he liked your picture because he liked it. He didn't have a secret agenda, and he’s not playing head games with you. If he likes you, he’s not going to run circles around you. And if he did, would you really want to date him anyway? 

4. For the first part of the year, this mostly applied to how difficult it had become to run a mile without my legs shredding. A new sedentary job had really done a number on my motivation to stay active, and when I started again it felt like I was running through mud. So I told myself the knives daggering my calf muscles were sculpting them to perfection (as if that would make it any more bearable). End of first semester it was strictly about class load. They’re stretching my brain impossible lengths to make me smarter not just to cause me physical agony, right?

Second semester, I learned to apply this to the adversity I felt attacking me from every side. I realized we are not faced with adversity to break us down and crush our spirits. We are given trials to build our character and fortify our souls. I look back on the adversity I faced from all angles of life and the one word that comes to mind is gratitude. I try to imagine the woman I would be if I wasn't given the opportunity to make the mistakes and suffer through the trials I did. I can't be sure of much, but I know I wouldn't be nearly as happy, as hopeful and as honest as I am now. So yes, I AM grateful for how much it hurt, because I came out the other side I better person for it.

 5. If I had to give up a penny for every minute I wasted comparing myself to another girl, I would be living on welfare. I firmly believe women are genetically coded to insta-scan every other female in the room and then analyze how they stack up against the competition. It is a self-destructive practice with tragic consequences. However, there is one cure: loving yourself in your own skin. 

Everyone has a different way of coping with the fact we can’t ALL be Kate Upton, but for me it was a thought that brought me acceptance.

There will always be someone prettier, smarter, wittier and richer than me. But there will never be another me.

I didn’t tell myself I was beautiful, because the concept of beauty has been so skewed by society swimming in the shallow end of the pool, that I would never degrade myself by applying the term so liberally. But when I stopped comparing myself to other women, my eyes were opened to the unique traits God gave me to stand out. And I loved them. I learned that being different is one of the most beautiful things on earth. Worrying about my appearance won’t make me any prettier, taller or skinnier. It just stops me from enjoying the beautiful things about me.

 6. Unfortunately for us mere mortals, RDJ is the only one that can master astrophysics in a night. Yet another lesson that took me a semester to nail down. Slow and steady does actually win the race, or in this case earns the enviable GPA. IMPORTANT: Nothing can possibly prepare you for the onslaught of college homework better than everyone’s favorite kindergarten novel “See Bob Run.” It seems like everyone had valuable advice when it came to college, homework this and homework that, but no one felt inclined to mention I would be reading encyclopedias cover to cover… every night. I suppose my definition of homework was always a little skewed. Word of advice, if you aren't prepared to read 3-4 hours every night for 3 months solid, get to work. 

7. Sometimes it feels like Life plants our feet on a tight rope and yells, “RUN!” The balancing act we always thought we struggled with in high school becomes infinitely worse when the dividing line fades to gray and we are assaulted by great things as well as a plethora of good things. At times it feels like we are expected to do far more than we can possibly do. How do you choose to prioritize when they all can be justified to take rank? I started off the year tackling every task that was thrown at me, regardless of whether I had the time or energy to accomplish it. My life was an endless cycle of school and work. I went to bed drained and more discouraged than I woke up that morning. I felt myself being dragged into a pit of discontent and lack of motivation that was seriously threatening my productivity. That’s when I learned to take my pleasure seriously. When I made “me time” an essential part of my day, my load seemed to become lighter and the other tasks and responsibilities fell into their proper place, because I was giving my self a chance to step back and regroup to prepare for the next onslaught of responsibilities. 

8. Ask my roommates how I spent the first two months of college.  Oh wait. They have no idea, because I locked myself in my bedroom with Netflix and bowl of cookie dough every night. I am living proof it is humanly possible to gain the freshman fifteen overnight. One morning I woke up and there it was hanging around my waist, taunting me and telling me how sad and fat I had become. I took a step back to look at my life and had to admit to myself how pathetic it was. That’s when I started taking the advice of Benjamin Mee from We Bought a Zoo. It is amazing how far you can go in 20 seconds, whether it's downstairs to FHE or up to that beautiful boy you can't stop drooling over in the library. I’ll admit, it didn't always work out for the best. It takes all ten fingers and toes to count the cringe-worthy accounts of embarrassing bravery; but the difference is I wouldn't take back a single one. Because even though I was rejected or mistaken a 100+ times, I learned a valuable lesson every time and made some invaluable friends along the way.